I am currently holding back my affections. Though the love i feel inside of me is very overwhelming, there is a great barrier telling me not to let go myself freely. I feel caught, as if being lured to a spiderweb of up-most happiness. The problem is not the web, but the spider. The spider may seem very small and not of such nuisance to my life. Yet, one venomous bite, stings for a lifetime.
How do you get away from the fear of getting hurt by the same person? Will the paranoia ever ends. I am of no assurance that such a state of limerance I am in may last longer than what I hope for. Then comes the second disaster, hope. Hope is nothing but hopeless in my situation. I can't simply suppressed my hopes and affections to come out as someone so uninterested in a relationship. Actually, I am by far very hopeful and I admit that when hopes turns back on you and fires the canon into your heart, you feel empty. Hope again, seems nothing but hopeless.
It's hard to glue the pieces of my heart back to where it was. Back to how it was. Back to who I was back then. Someone so cheerful, lucky, happy and ambitious. Determined to make her side of the fairytale work the way she wanted. I was an idealist once. Until i got my heart indescribably broken to the tiniest pieces that is far more discrete than particles that pass by our naked eye. How will i ever find all the pieces back again? By the consumption of substances which gives you the feeling of temporary feeling of ecstasy? Lying to myself simply shows that I am indeed in denial of how broken I still am. I've become a realist. There's no such thing as forever ever happy ever after and there's no such thing as love felt by romeo and juliet. These icons and cliches should be banned from young children so they don't grow up to feel how half of us feel right now. Down in the coldest pit enveloped in darkness and sorrows.
Imagine how someone could actually be able to hop from one to two to another lover claiming they do, in fact, love. Possible but a bit strange if you ask me. When do you get the time to heal and find your true self? Do you really think exploring the things you can do, regardless if you take the risk of dying or not, you'll be someone you can call and claim your own? No, idiot. You'd just be another high marketed person in the social world because you seem so eligible but mentally you're just insecure of what you are and what you are going to be in the future. Nonetheless, have fun and don't let the experiences go to waste. I think you are confused. You're only after the best thing that's in front of you and how can you say that I am worth it if you're not even taking the challenge of turning the sparks and the fairytale I like, REAL.
Sometimes I feel it's worth saving and sometimes I feel like just leaving. At 19 years of age, how could I possibly feel that life is going to come to an end? This relationship we've built and left and trying to build again. Is it really worth all the hurricanes and sunshine? I know It's not fair to ask you assurance, to ask you to make the big decision, to ask you to do everything back. But look dude, I don't want to help if you're not willing to try and do something. I don't want to be in something stale. I don't want to be left stagnant in a baron field. I don't want to even have the minute or second to think and become paranoid again. Is that too much to ask for? Keeping every second or hour atleast, of me being sure that this is going to work out. That all of this we talked about, we had little arguments about, we kiss and make up about, etc times two, is worth it. What if I just left you? Is it really true that you'll strive for the emotions i bring then? Or was it all just words with you? And words that you meant then and not to keep now? Words and words and words, the only thing you're really good at. Was it or wasn't it.
A person that should get into the Guiness Book for Sighing the Most.
:|
How do you get away from the fear of getting hurt by the same person? Will the paranoia ever ends. I am of no assurance that such a state of limerance I am in may last longer than what I hope for. Then comes the second disaster, hope. Hope is nothing but hopeless in my situation. I can't simply suppressed my hopes and affections to come out as someone so uninterested in a relationship. Actually, I am by far very hopeful and I admit that when hopes turns back on you and fires the canon into your heart, you feel empty. Hope again, seems nothing but hopeless.
It's hard to glue the pieces of my heart back to where it was. Back to how it was. Back to who I was back then. Someone so cheerful, lucky, happy and ambitious. Determined to make her side of the fairytale work the way she wanted. I was an idealist once. Until i got my heart indescribably broken to the tiniest pieces that is far more discrete than particles that pass by our naked eye. How will i ever find all the pieces back again? By the consumption of substances which gives you the feeling of temporary feeling of ecstasy? Lying to myself simply shows that I am indeed in denial of how broken I still am. I've become a realist. There's no such thing as forever ever happy ever after and there's no such thing as love felt by romeo and juliet. These icons and cliches should be banned from young children so they don't grow up to feel how half of us feel right now. Down in the coldest pit enveloped in darkness and sorrows.
Imagine how someone could actually be able to hop from one to two to another lover claiming they do, in fact, love. Possible but a bit strange if you ask me. When do you get the time to heal and find your true self? Do you really think exploring the things you can do, regardless if you take the risk of dying or not, you'll be someone you can call and claim your own? No, idiot. You'd just be another high marketed person in the social world because you seem so eligible but mentally you're just insecure of what you are and what you are going to be in the future. Nonetheless, have fun and don't let the experiences go to waste. I think you are confused. You're only after the best thing that's in front of you and how can you say that I am worth it if you're not even taking the challenge of turning the sparks and the fairytale I like, REAL.
Sometimes I feel it's worth saving and sometimes I feel like just leaving. At 19 years of age, how could I possibly feel that life is going to come to an end? This relationship we've built and left and trying to build again. Is it really worth all the hurricanes and sunshine? I know It's not fair to ask you assurance, to ask you to make the big decision, to ask you to do everything back. But look dude, I don't want to help if you're not willing to try and do something. I don't want to be in something stale. I don't want to be left stagnant in a baron field. I don't want to even have the minute or second to think and become paranoid again. Is that too much to ask for? Keeping every second or hour atleast, of me being sure that this is going to work out. That all of this we talked about, we had little arguments about, we kiss and make up about, etc times two, is worth it. What if I just left you? Is it really true that you'll strive for the emotions i bring then? Or was it all just words with you? And words that you meant then and not to keep now? Words and words and words, the only thing you're really good at. Was it or wasn't it.
A person that should get into the Guiness Book for Sighing the Most.
:|
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